To Speak or Not to Speak... Is That the Question?

The subject of this LJ has been the focus of my thoughts as of late.. Wondering if I should say something, or if I should hold my tongue, wondering how what I say will affect the future, or in what way it'll affect those around me..

To tell mom the truth...
To tell Justin how I felt...
To tell my friends what's up...
To even write in this LJ?
Or even to just stay quiet?

There's a saying I go by.. "Let others think you are a fool rather than open your mouth and prove it." Not necessarily a biblical statement as far as I'm aware, rather a Chinese Proverb, but it's kept me from opening up and...speaking sometimes. Admittedly, this is fine in some instances. Sometimes I wonder if what I say will even be heard. Then there's a thought of if I say something, if I'll be openly disproven and I'll have to retract what I've said..which I suppose in the interest of the truth I shouldn't worry about it so much.

Then there are those instances like the top two mentioned above..where I wonder about my mom...if she'll have me fend for myself because of my choice in life, and also, maybe it's not really worth worrying over, but I wonder if my mate wonders if he's worthy of being with me, or over my recent bouts of letting him know how I truly feel if he's gone a little into his shell.. Maybe he feels he can't compare.. Maybe I'm growing or changing and leaving him behind... And then about the definition of love and whatnot.. "I Love You Forever"...but what does that mean and how deep does that go?

Maybe he just needs to understand how my mind works, perhaps. To see who I really am. Not that it hasn't been in front of him, but.. Maybe not a primary concern. Does he support my decision to stay in college down here..or any of my choices.. And how horrible I feel at being guilty of leaving him lonely in Massachusetts.. It's just so terribly painful at times..and then there's my thought of if he wants me to feel how he feels...and how much the worse that makes me feel because of it.. Or am I feeling this way simply because I miss him, and not becasue of his wish for me to feel his pain?

I don't want to have to suffer over things like this...because I want to be happy.. To try and make the most of my situation.. And then nothing sometmes. Like, what's fair when it comes to romantic involvement? Or is there such a line that a relationship can be held against? Nay, even a long distance one?

I know the true answer is probably to judge it based on a case by case basis..but it's just hard to tell the difference sometimes...especially in a relationship..

*sigh* I miss you, Justin...

And one more thing...

My recent stash that I got for myself for my birthday that came in the mail, and more:

Zeta Gundam Limited Edition Box Set
Sailor Moon Season 1 Box Set
G Gundam Box Set 3
Gravitation DVD 1 & Box

...all for a cool $205.00. ^_^

That, and I got a 1/100 Gundam Maxter, new outfits for work, and recently, an action figure of Duel Gundam..as I have no idea when the Dlx Assault Shroud version of the figure would be released stateside. Not to mention...part of the reason why I got some of those items was because of a lesson I'd recently learned.. If you want something, and there's a chance that it may not be produced again, and you have the abillity to get it... GRAB IT.

...unless you wanna hunt eBay for it, and possibly pay more than you'd like for said item. Of course, with the way life turns out sometimes...clearance sales are beautiful things...but that's why you try and make the best decisions you can on things like these... *grin*

Just be sure to go after whatever makes you truly happy. =)