![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
And then...it all becomes clear.
Apr. 11th, 2008 12:27 amThe source of my stress! The thing I need to resolve in my life!
Control.
Of course, most of this, I could blame on Katrina, and rightfully so. But...I have a problem giving control to others in an unusual way. Forget the whole driver in front of you driving you crazy, raising your blood pressure. No...I give up control in the sense that I allow others to take advantage of me, and I get to the point where I bend so much for them that I come to be at a loss for my own direction in life. Why am I jack of all trades? Because I want to help others, and make them happy.
But...there comes to be a point where I become a doormat...or feel like I have become one because I'm allowing someone else to take over my life. Y'know, I keep saying, "take the bull by the horns" when in fact, what I've been doing, is becoming the bullfighter for someone else's bull. And yet, my ring is empty because I have matters of my own to take care of, but don't because I want others to be happy first. On top of that, venting becomes a no no because I want to be a superman for these people. And oddly, it's because I know I can handle it, or challenge myself to take on a new task or goal to excel in.
Granted, I can't place the blame on others entirely. Part of it is voluntary, because I do choose to stop looking at my issues and help others simply because I WANT to be helpful. But...I realize that I can't anymore. Tiger needs to live his own life, and be the change that he wants in his own world, and stop ignoring his own issues and just deal with them. Which...gets to the other part of my post. In my quest for excellence, I beat myself up if it's not 'perfect'. So, adding another layer onto my already sacrificial plate, I beat myself up because I can't do what someone else wants.
It's times like these that, after my shower tonight, I realized... Tiger, dude, wait, hold the phone! Don't you see what's going on with your life?
Stop hesitating. Start doing! And stop being so doggone helpful with the intent of ignoring your problems. You've got stuff to deal with too, man. Stuff that's JUST as important.
And fuck yes, I will. The power is mine, and it's time to make it my own!
Control.
Of course, most of this, I could blame on Katrina, and rightfully so. But...I have a problem giving control to others in an unusual way. Forget the whole driver in front of you driving you crazy, raising your blood pressure. No...I give up control in the sense that I allow others to take advantage of me, and I get to the point where I bend so much for them that I come to be at a loss for my own direction in life. Why am I jack of all trades? Because I want to help others, and make them happy.
But...there comes to be a point where I become a doormat...or feel like I have become one because I'm allowing someone else to take over my life. Y'know, I keep saying, "take the bull by the horns" when in fact, what I've been doing, is becoming the bullfighter for someone else's bull. And yet, my ring is empty because I have matters of my own to take care of, but don't because I want others to be happy first. On top of that, venting becomes a no no because I want to be a superman for these people. And oddly, it's because I know I can handle it, or challenge myself to take on a new task or goal to excel in.
Granted, I can't place the blame on others entirely. Part of it is voluntary, because I do choose to stop looking at my issues and help others simply because I WANT to be helpful. But...I realize that I can't anymore. Tiger needs to live his own life, and be the change that he wants in his own world, and stop ignoring his own issues and just deal with them. Which...gets to the other part of my post. In my quest for excellence, I beat myself up if it's not 'perfect'. So, adding another layer onto my already sacrificial plate, I beat myself up because I can't do what someone else wants.
It's times like these that, after my shower tonight, I realized... Tiger, dude, wait, hold the phone! Don't you see what's going on with your life?
Stop hesitating. Start doing! And stop being so doggone helpful with the intent of ignoring your problems. You've got stuff to deal with too, man. Stuff that's JUST as important.
And fuck yes, I will. The power is mine, and it's time to make it my own!
