Dorm Scavenged Stash:

As I did last semester here's the rundown of what I got this time around...not a bad go, I think. ^_^

A Fake Tree...about 4 feet tall.
16x10x40 CDRW Drive
Faulty(?) APEX DVD Player (Composite Video won't work, gonna try Component)
A Westinghouse Microwave (that works! - Claimed by someone that needs it that mom and I know)
A Durabrand CD Stereo player (the CD player seems busted, so it seems to be a gigantic radio)
Two blue rugs that match my own
A Computer w/ an Alienware case (spraypainted green) good for scrap!
Brita Pitcher
Boxes, Bag of Hangers, Two Brooms, Paper Towel holder, and a Dustpan.

This list could've included a 3 1/2' fan, but the head is wobbly and the blade rips against it.

Also, the computer has an nVIDIA LT card in it, but that's only good for certain Compaqs... *snaps his fingers* That, and the ram it included is like mine, but it's not a 256MBer. Double drats. But it's got pretty green cables and stuff. =)

Permanance of Feelings...True Love

Just a little something that I understood this past weekend... I know circumstances may have swayed my ability to believe this, but love isn't quite as 'pop' as it may be made out to be sometimes.

A lot of this comes from some of my recent changes because of what's been happening in my life. Coming to understand sex as a means rather than the ultimate expression of love for someone.. Creating distinctions between love offered as husband and as master.. The virtual equalization of both sexes rather than the heterosexist idealogy of man over woman.. And the full realization of what is in the heart more than the physical characteristics of the person defining affections for someone.

But today...I'll admit I was worried about my hubby. (I say this because I feel we have crossed the line of simply 'mates') I was worried that we were slipping apart. We hadn't talked much because he was working long hours, not being able to call him because of being strapped for cash these past two weeks, and not to mention terrible trembles I was having at some things going on involving him. But instead...when he mentioned that he 'always wanted me by him'...trusting and believing that statement for what it truly was... Meant that although I was worried that distance and lack of talking may have caused him to drift away...that's not the case. The feelings and the desire remain...time and distance don't really change that.

Perhaps a good way to explain it is this... Your feelings for someone start at 0...neutral. The more you learn about them and develop your relationship with someone with them will affect which way this goes. Day to day experiences affect how much this bar rises or falls as you develop the relationship, slowly building or being whittled away. Devotion will keep this bar steady even in the trying times if you're committed to making ithings work. However...if you break up with someone or even don't see someone for a while...this bar more or less remains where it was unless the memory is somehow altered. Feelings do linger... Sometimes fond, sometimes harsh. However, this may for now be a vast simplification, but it may be something I may elaborate more on in the future.

My issue was that I needed constant reconfirmation that his love was real, when it's really always been there, always growing or steady even though we may not be together all the time. I was okay for a little while, but longer periods made me worry a lot.

I've also come to understand that my feelings ARE valid. Sometimes I do need to work to understand them, but I should use them as a guide to what my heart truly feels, and learn from what it's trying to tell me. I only hurt myself if I don't do so.

...I've also come to understand that Axe Body Lotion is a horrible soap. After only one day, already I feel slimy...and I didn't even go outside! It smells nice, but that's about all it has going for it. Good thing I'm going shopping tomorrow...

And one last thing.. I'm coming to understand what it is to live by myself. It's great for thinking more freely, but it can get a little lonely sometimes. But...this'll be useful experience for when I do go to live with my skunkies. I do want to be able to spread my wings more freely...as an adult. To know the consequences of my actions, to know the deeper meanings behind mature matters, and to comprehend a fuller knowledge of what being an adult holds in store for me. Above all...responsibility. Underlined.

Bring forth the power of personal revolution.