Mar. 24th, 2003

tigeronstarfire: (Default)
There's something on my mind at the moment...and it's bothering me. I don't know if it's reasonable to think so, or if this is even a problem anyone has had before, or if I'm just having a subconcious pride kick that really shouldn't be there. And I know my art isn't all that special. Given. But...I don't know if it's what I percieve as my level of maturity, or even my own personality nuances..but...and Zei has given me blatant heat about this at times, and perhaps I can feel it coming off of others, but...

I worry I'm too good for my own good. Funny, eh?

I worry I make people jealous. I worry I outshine others...even if I do it unintentionally. I worry that there are times that, say, if I were to do something, that I would totally make others feel left out in the dust, guilty over themselves, or to the point of total depression. And that worries me.

So I have certain talents, certain abilities I've grown over the years...over trying to make myself a better person. In terms of my personality kinks, my maturity factor, my sexual ethic, perhaps my wisdom, or my intuitivity...and it's made me wonder that if I do just a few more things... No...I can't say that. There are still many more things I have yet to accomplish. I know that for a fact. I just...worry that I make people jealous for who I am. Now...I may just be percieving things wrong, but it's a thought that's bothering me in the back of my mind, and I am a little curious if others can help me shed some light on this.

And please, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone here. I just worry with how far others may percieve me of having come, that they become jealous of me. Am I wrong for thinking so?

*sighs* It's a strange feeling...one I'm not altogether very fond of, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it.

Any help, guys?

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